since I have nothing better to do.....

this is gizmo.....she was in her favorite bean bag and we have a room just for our cats.




This is one of fuzzy (who is also in kitty heaven) gizmo and samantha, who was very small at the time....

Like I said, they have their own private room which they share with us when we are in the family room in the basement. Oh, they do get up here and like to lay out on our built in porch when it is sunny. Only now it is is Samantha, Nicky and Ronnie.

Thinking of my calico friend....

jThere is not a dog or cat that I have owned that I have forgotten once it was gone. A few years ago I lost my calico cat, gizmo. She was lovely. I may dig up a pic of her to show on here. She was a stately lady as far as cats go. She was one that did not want you to pet her unless she gave you permission to do so. But if she wanted petted and you ignored her, watch out. She would meow and slap at you with her paw. Regal is the best way I could describe her. Any way, when I lost her, a friend suggested I go to the rainbow bridge site. I check in there every so often and see what I can find. I found this poem today and it reminds of how I felt when she died. Or , how I feel when any of my pets pass on.

"Wishes" (for Okie)
We wish we could have told you,in words you'd understand,
We wanted you to stay with us
.This wasn't what we'd planned.
We wish somehow to tell you,How empty we now feel.
A part of us went with you,
A part that time can't heal.
We wish we'd once more hear you,
in your softly, rumbling purr,
to hold you on our laps againand stroke your golden fur.
We wish we had you back again,
to fill this empty space.
But one day we'll be togetherin a far,
far better place.


There is always an empty space when a loved one passes on and my pets are among my loved ones.


If you have never been to rainbow bridge and have lost a pet, go here......

http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm

It's late in the evening...

Actually it is very early in the morning here and i ahve not gone to bed yet. I am just not tired. I think the pain pills I took about an hour ago may be kicking in here. I had to take some vicodan and my daughter told me I would be very popular in some areas if teens knew I had it. I guess they take it for some reason. Some sort of high. I don't like pills that much.

I have an strained muscle in my back.

But here are a few things about me....
1. I never had any kids. Mine are adopted so I did it what I call the easy way. No diapers and such. they were young but not that young when we adopted them.
2. I am a moderate married to a conservative. He is very conservative and almost annoying with it at times but he was not conservative enough to vote for bush. He is just conservative in many other ways. Old fashioned to the point where it is funny at times.
3. I wear dresses but would love to be able to just kick back in a pair of shorts right now but it is too cold.
5. I love flowers as long as they are outside. I do not like bouquets. It gets to smelling like a funeral parlor and I hate that. I love roses and have about ten bushes. I have lilacs, hyacinths, lilies, tulips, hollyhocks, blackeyed susans and zinnias galore. I want to get some gladiolas too.
6. I am a country girl but I love seeing the cities and just traveling thru them and seeing all the things that there is to see there. My dream is to take a trip across the u.s. My husband says he wants to but he wants me to leave the dogs with his sister but that is not going to happen. No way. I go, they go.
7. I am at the age where I think being a granny would be cool but not til my kids are ready and I don't know if they will ever be ready.
8. I have just recently discovered blogging and I love it. I really enjoy reading all the different blogs and commenting on them.
9. I love to swim. I wish we had a pool but that is not going to happen for two more years and then we might just make do with a hot tub.
10. I have an old friend I would like to get in touch with but am not sure how to do it so if you can help me on this, feel free to do it. We parted when we found out her husband was running aound on her and using my husband and me to do it. He would tell her he was coming here and he was really going to see one of his many girlfriends. Should I have told her about him? I felt I would be damned no matter what I did. Besides I think she knew but just did not want to admit it. Any way, she moved away from here and I have wanted to visit her and talk to her but I am not sure how I would go about doing it......................

I like keeping in touch with friends and she slipped away from me.

Why do they blame t.v.

If I hear one more person blame t.v. for the fact that some nut went out and killed someone, I am going to scream. Just because someone sees a person do it on t.v. that does not mean they are going to go out and do it. I was a woman get her throat cut the other night and I did not grab a knife and head out the door to where a woman I can't stand lives and cut her throat. T.v. is not the blame. Books are not the blame. Music is not the blame. Nuts who do it are the ones at fault. Blame them and hold them responsible for their actions. If they kill toss them in jail for the rest of their lives. No damned paroles for anyone who takes a life.

Then there are those who want to blame t.v. cause their kids are seeing too much violence. Gawd, the thing has a remote on it. If you can't understand what the on/off button is for, I will explain it to you some day. You parents who use your television as a baby sitting tool could get a v chip put in or have some form of parental control on your t.v. if you are that worried about what they are watching and stop putting televsions in their rooms where they can watch all the junk shows they want and not bother you.

Spend quality time with them and read to them. Get them interested in books while they are small and books will take a backseat to televison eventually.

But stop blaming t.v. for the ailments in this world.

Okay. I have not been here for awhile cause the damned back went out on me. I have had probmems with it since I was in a wreck several years ago when hubby and I were newly married and he was drinking and driving and I was stupid enough to think I could change him.

We were supposed to go visit some friends and he had decided to stop at a bar on the way home. When he got home, I could smell the booze on him and decided I was not going but he decided he was going to go, drunk or not. Well, he would not let me drive as I just had a learners permit at that time. (I have eye problems and cannot drive now but I was learning then) I was still going to save the day and save him by going along, thinking my being there and his love for me would make him drive like a normal person. You know how it is when you are young and in love..............

Well, he was going ninety and I cried, "slow down' and he laughed like woody woodpecker and the next thing I knew they I was laying in a heap of metal and he was on top of me. I thought he was dead and screaming when he looked down at me and asked what happened. I spent a week in the hospital, thanking god I was alive and cursing him for drinking. He never drank and drove after that. He said he would not and he hasn't.

And he feels guilty over it as he should. But I was stupid to think I could keep him from wrecking that night as you cannot reason with a drunk.

Oh, well, he did change and for that I am thankful. My back hurts like hell but I am thankful he is no longer drinking and driving and no one else was hurt that night.

Am I the only one???????????

Am I the only once who iw up all night and just cannot seen to sleep. Sometimes I feel like I am the only person alive. My husband is an early bird who gets up at 6 every morning and sometimes I am going to bed then but I rearely sleep past 9. I do with I was like eveyone else and could go to bed early and get up early. But my whole family, well my biological family is like thatm. All night owls.

Back after a trip into butler to get some flowers for our flower garden out front. I love my flowers. My roses and Mums are so lovely. I got more mums, petunias (stinky but pretty) and a few other flowers. We put some chicken wire over the place we are planting the zinnias so the cats will not bother them.

I don't know why but I am very irritable to night. I guess things are just getting to me and I am trying to keep busy and not let them get me down but I am really tired. In body and soul, it seems. I get this way but I will shake it off.

I have my dogs tied out in the yard. I put them out there for a few minutes several times a day. I do not think it is right for people to get dogs and just tie them up. My dogs are part of this family and I think it is so sad when I drive by houses and see dogs that are tied out for days at a time and never taken inside. I feel sad for the poor dogs but just as sad that the owners will never know what a great companion they are missing out on having. I could never imagine life without my dogs.

I saw a bumper sticker today that said, Don't pray in my school and I won't think in your church. Well, I have never been one for screaming prayers and shouting hallieugh but that is dumb. No one is forced to go to my church. But kids are forced to go to school on a daily basis. I do not think kids should be forced to pray but those who wish to pray should not be told they can't. It should all be on a volunteer basis.

Still confused.....

My cousin called to tell me my dad died. Funny, I just cannot even bring myself to say the word hardly. Yes, he was my dad as far as him leaving a deposit of sperm in my mothers vaginal tract but that is about as far as it went. He was never a father in any sense of the word. He left her to raise my brother and me when I was two years old. I had vague memories of a man picking me up and bouncing me around but I found out later it was my uncle albert, not my dad.

I have brothers and sisters that I have never met as he was married before he met my mom and he married two or three times after he left her. My cousin asked if I wanted to see his obituary. I thought about that for a moment. I always wanted to know if I had any siblings and who they were. She said there were quite a few listed. Did I really want to know who they were though? Did I want to intrude on their lives and tell them what a louse their dad was and how he screwed my mother over and ruined my life?

Well, he did not really ruin my life. I did that on my own a time or two but I feel as though he is a fault for all the troubles I had trusting men in my earlier life.

I decided the old saying about letting sleeping dogs lie was the best way to go in this case. I told her I did not want to know who they were. But she says she is going to save the clippings and if I really want to know to call her. She knows some of them.

What really pisses me off is that I went to school with a cousin on his side and did not even know it. I had a crush on another kid who I found out was a cousin too.

Why do adults screw up kids lives so much because they are greedy or some of the other things they do? Do they ever stop and think of his this is going to affect the kids they have?

No one knows.........

No one knows what it is like to deal with the mentally ill unless you live with them. My daughter is mentally ill and it is so heartbreaking so see this lovely young woman suffer as she does. I have no idea what demons posess her for it surely seems as though she is posessed at times. She talks to people who are not there. She sees blood coming thru her walls at night when her meds are not working.

And all we can do is stand by and wonder if the new drugs she is taking will soon take hold and help her get past this hump. You have no idea how scary it is at times. We have been to the hospital three times now cause she almost killed herself. Each time she has to go I am afraid it will be the last time. It has taken its toll on us but it has been so much worse on her. Imagine talking to people who are not there and realizing the world thinks you are nuts cause you do see things and people that seem so real. They are real to you but not to the rest of the world.

She had her tubes cut Monday cause she is so afraid to have children. She is afraid she will hurt them. In my heart I know she did the right thing but part of me wants to cry for her....

a new day

I am one of the many who has decided to leave myspace.com behind for some other places on the net to chat about different stuff.

I am a happily married woman who is just looking for people to chat with about different things on the net and I have decided that blogs are a better place then some of the chatrooms out there. I like the rooms but you can meet some real asses there. Pardon MY french...but that is how I feel about some of the sleazeballs I have run into recently.

I am a mother of two girls. both adults. I am proud of both. One is in college and the other is disabled.

I have a great husband so I am not looking for anything but friendship.