My cousin called to tell me my dad died. Funny, I just cannot even bring myself to say the word hardly. Yes, he was my dad as far as him leaving a deposit of sperm in my mothers vaginal tract but that is about as far as it went. He was never a father in any sense of the word. He left her to raise my brother and me when I was two years old. I had vague memories of a man picking me up and bouncing me around but I found out later it was my uncle albert, not my dad.
I have brothers and sisters that I have never met as he was married before he met my mom and he married two or three times after he left her. My cousin asked if I wanted to see his obituary. I thought about that for a moment. I always wanted to know if I had any siblings and who they were. She said there were quite a few listed. Did I really want to know who they were though? Did I want to intrude on their lives and tell them what a louse their dad was and how he screwed my mother over and ruined my life?
Well, he did not really ruin my life. I did that on my own a time or two but I feel as though he is a fault for all the troubles I had trusting men in my earlier life.
I decided the old saying about letting sleeping dogs lie was the best way to go in this case. I told her I did not want to know who they were. But she says she is going to save the clippings and if I really want to know to call her. She knows some of them.
What really pisses me off is that I went to school with a cousin on his side and did not even know it. I had a crush on another kid who I found out was a cousin too.
Why do adults screw up kids lives so much because they are greedy or some of the other things they do? Do they ever stop and think of his this is going to affect the kids they have?
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About Me
- Dee
- I just enjoy life. Especially my family and all the little things life has to offer. I love reading and chatting with my online friends and quilting. I always have a project started. Sometimes I have two or three going.
4 comments:
I'm in a situation like yours but he hasn't died.
My dad left when I was around 2. Never came back. He was married before my Mom and after and has kids with all of them. I've never met any of his other kids(6 of them, and he's in their lives).
Last year after 36 years, his wife tracks me down. They want to be in touch and meet someday and at the end of every email they say they love me.
Blows my mind! I don't know these people, I don't know him. He's my father the same reason your father was your father...doesn't really mean anything to me.
I don't think I want to meet any of them. I'm not angry or feel hateful or anything, but in my world these are all strangers.
if you want an outsiders' point of view....
i think its interesting that you were left with no choice but to have such distatse for half of youre genetics. its sort of like you have a chance to actually examine parts of yourself in someone else. having never known him, you can be objective and i think that leaving him hurt might be just what you need to do. If you meet him and hurt him, and he really wants to love you, he will come crawling back. (email doesnt count) at that point, you may feel avenged and who knows, you might forgive him.
Can I join the Disfunctional Family Club? Never met my dad and estranged from my mom. (Her Choice.)
My husband's family, on the other hand, is pretty much the Cleavers.
Hey duk3, you're talking to me I assume?
I think you took me wrong, I don't have any bad feelings towards any of this "new" family on my Dad's side. I just don't know them, it's uncomfortable.
I never hated him for never contacting me, I was curious more than anything. He had six other children that he has been in there lives, why was I left out?
Trust me, it never caused me to need therapy or anything, since I have no idea what it would be like to have a Dad, the loss of one didn't affect me. But, it is just weird to me that after 36 years, they are all lovey dovey and commited.
Oh and they are in TX I'm in MT, the reason for "email" communication. I haven't given up, just not sure when I'm ready to take the plunge and meet these people. I'm not in any way trying to purposefully hurt him.
It's just a weird thing to deal with.
Yes Nicolette, you can be part of the club!!
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