was talking with some friends today about adoption. Some of the women said they could never adopt a child because they did not think they could love it as much as their own child. This is fair enough. She was honest. Some people really feel that way so they should not adopt.Another one said she could not adopt because she was afraid the birth mother or father would change thier minds. They also felt the children would go back to their parents when they grew older.
You know, giving up a baby has got to be the hardest thing any woman has to do. It takes a strong woman to put her baby's needs ahead of her own and that is what most women do when they put their baby up for adoption. They are thinking of the child and that is the most important thing in the world as far as I am concerned. My children were not given up by their parents. Their parents had their rights removed from them by the state. Since we were older when we adopted we knew we stood a better chance of adopting that way.
Of course those kids come with problems. I have one which is biracial and that presents it's own brand of problems from the bigots on all sides of the issue and another has other problems which we have had to deal with but we love them and there is no way I could love them more if they were my own.
As for them going back to their parents when they are older, I am all for kids doing that because no one will ever be satisfied unless they know their roots. I have told both of mine that if they do want to do that, I would be in favor of and not to worry about hurting me. So far, neither has wanted to do it.
Why do I say that? I was not adopted but I was raised in a foster home by a wonderful woman. When I was 19 I met my mother. It was not til then that I felt complete. She could answer my questions and I had aunts and uncles I could relate to. For the first time in my life I could look family members and think, gee, I look like that person or that person is one I can relate on many levels simply because she is my cousin. That is why I try to make sure my daughters are in contact with the siblings who want to be in contact with them. We even plan events in the summer so we can do things with them. We meet with the parents and let the girls take of shopping and do things on their own.
One woman said she was afraid if she adopted one she could not handle the dating thing cause they might date a brother or sister. Well, my youngest has 19 siblings and we have not met them all. The other has about 16 with all the moms, dads and step dads. When it came time for the dating period my youngest my youngest was a little concerned about it but I just told her that if she met a boy who was adopted we could check into his background and talk to his parents before they would be allowed to go out but I never really worried alot about it. To me that was just a small worry and if you thought that you would not adopt a child because of it, you are better off not adopting.
I love these girls. I would not go back to being without them for anything. No matter what they do, they are mine.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
About Me
- Dee
- I just enjoy life. Especially my family and all the little things life has to offer. I love reading and chatting with my online friends and quilting. I always have a project started. Sometimes I have two or three going.
6 comments:
The wonderful family for as a nanny have adopted one boy Isaac, who is 3 and they are fostering-to-adopt little Gabriel who is 1. They are the sweetest family. They adopted Isaac before he was even born. They stay in contact with his birth mother and he has met her many times. Gabriel's parents rights are to be terminated this month and then he will be free to be adopted by them. They love these little boys dearly and if you were to just meet them you would have no idea that those boys are not their own.
I believe that God has a place for every child and if someone is moved in their heart to adopt then they should.
I think it is wonderful that you have adopted two girls! I am sure their lives are better because you have chosen to accept them as your own! That really warms the heart! :)
Sorry, at the beginning of my post I meant to say "the family I nanny for." :)
I applaude anyone who does competent foster care, and who adopt with the attitude you have. My husband is a therapist who specializes in children, and he says that most adoptive parents have a real struggle, thats it's not an easy task. I hope you stay real close to your children, and that you can visit your family, to stay connected.
I don't suppose that adoption is the same as giving birth, but I don't suppose that giving birth is the same as adopting. And I'm pretty sure that people can love and bond with adopted kids really well -- like you have. Sounds like you handled to whole process really well. I applaud.
My girlfriend just adopted a baby boy. She and her husband have one daughter together, but always wanted another child. They've been waiting 8 years. He finally came just before Thanksgiving. It was the best Thanksgiving they'd ever had because no matter what - he's their boy. They already cannot imagine what life would be like without him. If he chooses to know his parents - my girlfriend is good with that. They're just so happy to have him. I've given birth, but I also think that if I made the committment to adopt a child, then no matter what, that child would be in my heart as my own. It's a love thing, not a physical birth thing.
What is really strange is we have a family photo and my friend has it in her living room and many of her friends do not know us but when they see the pic of us, they often remark about how one girl looks just like me and the other resemebles bill. One of my daughters was walking down the hall in school and a teacher walked over and tapped her on the shoulder and said, "You look just like your mother did when she was your age." I have to laugh every time I think of that.
Post a Comment