Ponderings of last year and thinking of this coming year....

While I do not make resolutions I do think of things that have happened in this past year and wonder if I can do things slightly different this year.

One of the things that I have to realize is that my daughters are young women and not children who need to be told what to do. I often find myself thinking of them as teens rather than young women in their twenties who have minds of their own. It is very hard for me to think of them without wanting to smother them with mothering when they are home.

My eldest comes and goes. She lives for awhile on her own then moves back. That is fine with me. But my baby is moving out this summer and I am sort of wanting to stop her yet wanting her to try her wings and fly solo for awhile. Actually I want her room for an office and all that but I don't want her leaving. She is only twenty two and part of me has convinced myself that I do not want her to go. The other part is trying to push her out of the nest.

One of the things I want to do is make her room into my private room with my little tv. computer and all my hobby supplies in there. That is my plan.......

I never travel much but I have a friend in Illinois that I have not seen for many years. I am determined to take a road trip out there with my daughters this summer.

I want to be a better friends, the one in real life and cyber. I want to wish all of you who visit here, a happy new year.

No resolutions...

Each year I make a resolution not to make any new years eve resolutions. I used to make them all the time but now I don't. Mainly cause I never kept them. Oh, they were good for a week or two but I would soon grow bored with all the grand plans I had made to do better with my life and they fell by the wayside. I envy people who can decide to do something and stick to it but I decided long ago that I was not one of them. So I will not make a resolution to lose weight, go to church more often, watch less t.v. or stay on the computer less. I may do those things and I may not but I will not make any resolutions about them. Have a nice day!!!!!

tater tots is going to be staying. This is a pic I just took of him. He is a cutie.

Ha

You Are The Godfather Ice Cream

Someone crosses you, and they'll end up with a scoop of this in their bed

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatflavorbenandjerrysicecreamareyouquiz/">What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

Dec.26..the day after.

I am relaxed and happy. The house looks like a tornado hit it and I want so badly to take the tree down but my youngest wants me to keep it up to the end of the week and I told her no later than Friday. I want to go in Wednesday and get some more items for my decorating next year. I love to decorate but I get bored with it if it is up too long.

We have a vistitor that I am falling in love with. His name is Tater Tots. He is an orange tiger cat. My daughters friend owned him. His landlord told him he could get a cat but his wife found out and started raising hell so he could not find a home for Taters. My daughter is trying to find an apartment so we are keeping Taters here til she finds one and gets moved in. My husband was going to say no but I said, Bill, we have always had four cats til Fuzzy passed on. We have room for this one. He is a cutie but I have not had time to take any pics of him. I will tomorrow.

Ho..Ho...Humbug

As I sit here looking at the tree and all the trappings of christmas, I ask my slef why do we do this every year? Every year we promise ourselves that the next year we are going to take things a little easier and sit back to relax and enjoy christmas the way we were intended to. And every year we get busy and bitter the week before because of all the things we think we have to do for christmas. What time that is not used with shopping, baking and running hither and yon to make sure we have all the gifts everyone wanted, we spend wondering if they will like the gifts we got.

We get snappy with each other over the smallest thing. We try not to forget our manners when we are out and about but we often do. The kids are whiney, the husband is being a real pain in the ass because he hates shopping and instead of doing it earlier, he rushes in and fights with the crowds to get what he wants to get others and he has no desird to look at the price of things.

In the mean time, I still have cookies to finish baking and several gifts to wrap and so many other things that I really am not in the spirit to do today.

Feeling like this is not what this season is about. It is about caring for each other and being with those you care about. I will be with those I love and I really do hope I am over this feeling by the time the day gets here.

Anyway, Merry Christmas to all of you if I do not get back in here again.

Pets at christmas...

My pets are important to me. Even at this time of the year. We do as much for them as we do our kids. We get them all gifts and have them open them. It will be a toy and treat for each but sassy. Sassy does not play with things. She was very abused when we got her and she does not know much about playing with toys. So we get her treats. She is quite happy.

My favorite story about christmas is the time we got my aunt a fruit cake. She loved fruit cake so we got her this real expensive one. I had it wrapped and under the tree. I went down christmas morning and found paper and bits of the fruitcake box all over the floor and a very fat beagle puppy with his stomach bulged out and a sheepish look on his face as if to say, "Who, me?"looking as me as his tail thumped the floor. It was funny but I was worried about him getting sick to watched him carefully for the next day.

I was mad but I had to laugh about it and luckily my aunt loved dogs and she understood. I mean this is a woman who kept a coon dog in her house and one day came home to find her dog and tore the house apart while treeing a coon that came into the yard, in her living room on a pole lamp in the corner. Apparently the dog was the coon and went thru the screen door after it and chased it into the house to tree it. Yes, she loved dogs so she understood. *s*

Another one for you dog lovers at Xmas.....

Doggy Wonderland Dog tags ring, are you listenin'? In the lane, snow is glistenin'. It's yellow, NOT white - I've been there tonight, Marking up my winter wonderland. Smell that tree? That's my fragrance. It's a sign for wand'ring vagrants; "Avoid where I pee, it's MY pro-per-ty! Marked up as my winter wonderland." In the meadow dad will build a snowman, following the classical design. Then I'll lift my leg and let it go Man, So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine! Straight from me to the fencepost, flows my natural incense boast; "Stay off of my TURF, this small piece of earth, I mark it as my winter wonderland.

Dog tag ring, are you listenin'?
In the lant snow is glistenin'
It's yellow not white- I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland.

Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It a sign for wondering vagrants;
Avoid where I pee, it's my property!
Marked up as my winter wonderland.

In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
Following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go man
So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine!

Straight from me to the fencepost
flows my natural incense boast;
"Stay off of my TURF,
this small piece of earth,
I mark it as my winter wonderland. "

Green Puppy?

http://www.newsnet5.com/news/5293927/detail.html?treets=nn5&tml=nn5_9am&ts=T&tmi=nn5_9am_1_08000211102005



Wasabi is a great name for it.

Dog's Christmas Promise

Dog's Christmas Promises Christmas is for humans, and I will not ruin the surprises by opening all their presents. Christmas light bulbs, Christmas ornaments, Christmas stockings, and tinsel from the Christmas tree are not food. I am the alpha dog, therefore I do not need to protect my new Christmas rawhide from the omega dog by taking it outside to eat when the wind chill is -10 F. I will not demolish the Christmas tree and drag the string of lights out into the backyard through the doggy door. I will not dive into the Christmas tree to get the candy canes (which I will eat -- paper and all). I will not eat my Christmas doggie treats until after they're out of the stocking! I will not even THINK about going underneath the Christmas tree and piddling on the dining room rug. I will not get into a fight with the bigger dog next door, making my human have to call the vet's at Christmas. I will not get tangled up in the Christmas tree lights and pull the tree down while trying to get at a cat through the conservatory window. I will not pee on Grandma's Christmas presents that are under her tree as soon as we enter her house. I will not pee on the Christmas tree. I will not steal the neighbor's Christmas light bulbs. The bowl underneath the Christmas tree is not a dog dish. I will not drink from it. It will make me sick.

Christmas again....

Look what is under my tree!!!!!!This is ollie. He loves it there.
This is the tree shortly after we decorated it this year. My youngest and I do the tree while hubby and the eldest do the outside of the house.

It's that time of the year.....

This is the path in the woods behind our house. Our daughter who rarely ventures out when it is cold decided to go out and take this photo of the snow.

Multi tasking....

Yesterday my husband was on the phone and I said something to him that needed a response but he was unable to answer since he was swapping stories with one of his buddies. When he hung up he said, "You know I can only do one thing at a time."

I looked at him and said, "You need to be a mother for day and you would know about multitasking. You would be able to talk on the phone, feed a kid and hold a conversation with another kid all at one time. "

He looked at me like I was crazy but I have done that. Most mothers I know have done that. They had to. Why can't men do it? Is it cause they can't concentrate or do they just have to think of one thing at a time in order to get it done right?

Not Found

Yesterday I went to visit a blog I had been visiting for some time. I had not seen anyone post there the last several times I went but I crossed my fingers and dropped by anyway, hoping to read something from this cyber friend who I had grown to like quite well since I started blogging a little over a year ago.

I clicked on it and got, "not found". My heart sank. What happened to her, I wondered. Is she ill, or did something worse happen to her? I am hoping that what happened to her is that she just got too busy to blog any more and is now leading an exciting life as a published author. That was her dream. I hope she is living her dream. I really do cause she is just a great person and deserved the very best life has to offer.

I feel that way about many of he people I meet in this land of cyberspace. A few I know have passed on because their relatives were kind enough to email me and tell me what has happened to them and I am always saddened by the loss of a wonderful friend.

I bet many others feel that sense of loss when they click on the page of a blogger and get 'not found'. Those who do not blog or chat on the net cannot understand how attached we can get to those who reach out across cyber space to talk to us and help us thru many of life's circumstances. Many times it is those in cyber land that I have turned too for advice when I could not talk to people in real life.

I hope the friend who is in the land of Not Found now, is happy and living life to the fullest. I wish her the very best but I do miss her............

I heard it on the news........

While riding to the doctors office to get some of my blood tests done I had the radio on and they were talking about a study that showed those who set the purse on the floor while going to the bathroom in a public restroom end up with thirty percent fecal matter on their purse. Eeeeeeeeeeoooowww. I do not set it on the floor if there is a hook there but I am damned sure I I will hang it on my neck now rather than set it on the floor again. That is disgusting to think of.

I was in the bathroom the other day and my daughter was in one stall and another woman was on the other side. The other woman finished and walked out without washing her hands and my daughter came running out of hers ready to pounce on me cause she thought I did but I was innocent. We were at a restaurant so this woman probably went out and finished her meal without washing her nasty hands.

The study also said that if you do wash your hands, you should keep a paper towel with you to open the door as so many before you probably did not and You defeated the purpose of washing your hands.

Time for a change...

With my daughters help, I am going to change this blog. Especially the look and lay of it. She has given me some pointers and told me of some sites to visit that will help me do it. She is pretty good at that sort of stuff. It may take awhile but I will be working on it and hopefully it will look like a blog should look with my own touches to it.

I ate too many snickers today and I may pay for it later. I hope not. I had three bite sized ones and it is almost too much.

Going to try some things out and look into how to do this blog.

I am baaaaaaaaaaack. It is winter here in Pa and this is one of my favorite pics of a creek near us. The ice crystals on the rocks look like diamonds to me.

The flu did not get me even though it sure tried. I was not on the computer much at all except to answer some emails that had to be answered and taking care of bills.

My daughter and I decorated the tree right after thanksgiving. Well, she did it more than me I did ge this picture of my village but the ones of my tree did not turn out well. At least not the ones on my digital did. Maybe the ones on my other camera did. My mother in law was here and she helped with it. My village gets bigger and bigger every year. It will take up the whole living room soon if I am not careful...lol.


Here is another pic of our yard in the winter.

Damned flu

I have been sick for a week with this damned flue. It will be a week tuesday. I just want to crul up and die some days. This is the first day I have felt like posting much in here. Well, not much, just hacking, coughing, and wheezing as I type this. I will get back to this when I can feel better............

another day....

It is very early sunday morning and I cannot sleep so here I am. I got a call from my daughter about her tests and it was pre cancer but they got it all when they removed the the lumps and she does have to go to the doctor every six months to make sure she stay cancer free. That was a load off my mind.

Today was my mother in laws 79th birthday. She is fading, it seems to me. She just seems to have lost some of the zest she had for living and while she was here she kept crying and telling me how much she loved us all. She is such a wonderful woman and I love her dearly. When she goes, I am going to be miserable. Lately the family seems to be bonding together and trying to make amends for things that have happened in the past and I think much of this is because she so desperately wants people to get along and we are all trying to make things easier for her.

We got her a box of candy as she loves chocolate covered nuts and one of those wrap around blankets that you can wrap around you like a house coat.

We also had cake and ice cream for her.

Things to be thankful for this year..........

I have so much to be thankful for this year. I was worried about daughter but the news was better than we expected and she will be okay but will have to be monitored for any growths for the next few years because the growths are pre cancerous but once they are removed it is okay as long as she gets them in time. So some worries but not as bad as we thought they might be. A mixture of news I guess. It could have been so much worse. Thank God it wasn't.

I have to tell you I had a fantastic day yesterday. My eldest was not able to make it as her car broke down and they did get it up and running but it was pretty late and that was the only down side. But my bil and his family called to say they were just going to stop in and see his mom who was with us for the day said they were going to just stay a few minutes and I told them to bring their appetites and stay.

Now, a little bit of background here.........His brother and I always got along but his sister in law and he did not. She never really wanted to come here or do things here. Well, it seems as though she has decided to have a change of heart and they were here, along with my nephew and his SO. We ate, laughed and played cars til well into the night and we had a great time. She is proof that people can change. She really talked and told me some things I did not realize about her and what was going on in her life at the time and I think much of it just overwhelmed her and she lashed out at people.

I feel good today though and really feel blessed in so many ways.....

Not good news....

My daughter had to go in and have a biobsy done on her uterus. She found out she may human papilloma and if that is what her problem is she may have cancer of the cervix. I surely hope not. She has had such a rough life with all her demons haunting her with her mental illness and the things her biological parents did to her when she was young.

I read someone's blog where it asked when parents are going to stop worrying and I have to say it never stops and right now I am so worried over her and what could happen to her. I know that some of it could be caused by her past sexaual behavior but damn, why does it have to be her to even have to think about this kind of stuff now? She calls me crying about it and there is nothing I can do but listen. I try to be the kind of mother I should be with her but it is so hard at times.

Yesterday I found out my favorite cousin has cancer of the bowel and they don't know it they got it all and today I find out my daughther may have it in her cervix. We will just have to wait and pray that she does not have it.

Several things on my mind but.........

There are several things on my mind as this season of holiday day cheer and hunting are upon us. I am not going to rant about hunters as there are some in my family who hunt but they are lawbiding hunters who follow the rules and respect other peoples pets and properties, not like some we have running around these woods today.

First there are those who have no respect for property. They come on our property without asking and act like they own it. They want to tell me what they are going to do on my propertly no matter what I say. We do not allow atvs on our property to tear up the yard and fields or whatever but they bring on anyway. Then have the nerve to threaten my brother in law when he tells them he does not want them on his property (it borders ours and he watches out for some hunters and such). We do not believe in using atvs for hunting. Get yer ass out and walk if you want a deer, I say. We also do not want the fields and yard ripped up.

Then there are those who shoot wherever they want. We have had bullets whizzing by our house. I have to stay indoors because of some of the nuts running around here. Last year a woman was shot to death in her driveway by a hunter. My sister in law as well as we, have had to chase hunters out of our yard and tell them not to shoot at our homes. My niece and nephew were out playing one day when my sil saw two hunters standing at the edge of her yard, waitinf for deer to come out. They did not care that kids were playing in the yard. They wanted a deer. Twice she had to go out and shoo hunters away. Apparently they did not see all the 'no hunting posters plastered on every other tree out there.

I am tired of feeling like I live in a battlefield each year.

And how many dogs, cats and cows to we have to lose? I am not a farmer but our neighbors are and they lost a cow to turkey hunters who somehow shot his cow in spring gobbler season? Does that make sense to anyone who reads this? I had one dog shot and killed. Another was shot in the hind leg and costs us alot in vet bills plus he was lame in that leg for several years. Cats come up missing and I have heard so-called hunters brag about the cats they have killed because the cat was doing what cats do..........hunting rabbits. Why shoot the cats? They are doing what nature intended them to do. Go after the irresponsible owner who allowed the cat to run around outside, not the cat.

All I want is for hunters to treat us with some respect and not shoot at our homes, children or animals. Go out into the woods where you are away from homes.


As I posted, not all hunters are like this but too many are and it is making it look bad for the rest. Shame on you.

what kind of chocolate?

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds.You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life.Also nostelgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

one of those days....

I have a wonderful family. Trust me on this. It may not seem so at times as I come in here and vent about some of the things they but all in all I love them.....most of the time.Today was one of those days where nothing was going right. I was supposed to go out with a friend but she cancelled. She had to because of something that came up. Plus I am getting over the flue and feel yucky yet. Then there was the fact that my bank card was breing rejected because I forgot that I had not used it since our bank changed names and I had forgotten that I changed my password and when I went to do it again, I was told I had tried too many times and had to wait. I could not wait. I was in a hurry.Then there is my husband who chose today to razz me about everything that has been going on all day. I was not in the mood. No way.


Oh, and then there was my favorite dog who peed in his favorite corner of the kitchen. Yep. This is one of those days.......................

Organized religion vs faith....

I am not pushy with religion. I enjoy talking about it and conversing with people who are willing to exchange thoughts and ideas on it. I am a baptist and will always be won because I enjoy that faith and like the people who are part of the little church I belong to. Yes some of them are pushy and like to shove their religion on others instead of drawing people into a discussion, they like to thump them into submission but there are many there who are just warm wonderful people who live what they believe.

I have a foster sister who used to call me and begin her conversations, are you going to church? and when I said yes I was attending the methodist church, she would say, "oh, dee, you know methodist do not go to heaven." No I did not know that. No one has shown me a verse in the bible that says that. I, myself was not satisfied with the church I was attending so began attending the local baptist church and when she called, I heard, "oh, dee, you know baptist do not go to heaven. Why don't you find a church of God and go to it........." then she would precede to tell me the glories of attending the right church. Of course, I did not hear most of what she said. I learned to keep peace in the family by tuning her out years ago just as my late brother in law who was the lowly catholic in the family.

You know, when I hear people say who is going to heaven or hell I always think, won't these people be shocked when they get to heaven (IF they get there) to find out exactly who all is there. I am betting my foster sister will fall over in a dead faint when she sees there are just as many catholics up there as there are members of the protestant faith.

That is why when someone assumes another person did not go to heaven, I feel like saying, how do you know? Do you know what was in that persons heart? Only God knows that. And if someone shows me where it says what church I have to attend to get into heaven, I wish they would show it to me. I will find that church and go. Until then, I am going to do what I have been doing. Attending church when I can, reading my bible and praying.

Earlier in the post I mentioned a methodist church. Nothing against the church but I found that if I was not a part of the upper echeleon in the church, or did not dress with the best, or be a part of the right family in our town, I just did not fit in. They were a bunch of gossiping old biddies. Not all but far to many and it happens way to often in churches. I have seen some of it in our church but not as much, it seems and that is one of the negative things about many churches today.

While visiting a.c's blog I saw a pic of him and his granfather and I thought how wonderful it is to have that kind of memories of ones family. Sorry to say but my childhood memories are rather clouded the first 9 years of my life. I don't mean to have anyone throw a pity party for me as my foster mom who I went to live with when I was 9 was great. But no matter what she did, I still felt a sense of loss and like I did not belong to the family. Then I met my husband and when he introduced me to his mother, I met a woman who would remain my friend and mother for the rest of my life. I have known and admired her for over thirty years. She is fantastic. I also found a father in his dad who treated my like a daughter. When he was ill and dying, I was in the hospital along with his other kids spouses and the nurses were amazed that they could not tell which of ones were his children and which one were the in laws. He treated us all like his kids.

I am doing a memory quilt for his mother and I want to share some of the photoes I am putting in it.

The above pic is one of his parents, himself, and his dad holding his sister sara. The apartment they were living in at that time is the same one my husband and I lived in during the first few years of our marriage.

I wish the pic on the right was clearer but it is one taken on their wedding day in 1949. They were married for over forty years.

I will show some other pics later of the ones I am putting in the quilt. I know it is time consuming but I think she will like it. I have done calendars and other things for her with pics so I am pretty sure she will like this.

More money mom.........

daughter just called. I love her. I really do. I love both of them but this one wants money again. Money for some things she needs in her dorm room. She moved out of the one she was with cause her one room is into the occult and was freaking her out. She freaked me out when I met her but I just figuered she was our daughters friend so.........turns out she wasn't and kept attempting to bring a demon into the room cause she wanted demon lover. If you ask me, the girl really needed some help but I am not her mom and I am glad my daughter moved out of the room. I wish she did not have to spend my money when she moved though. *s*

I am so proud of her though. She is planning on becoming an art professor. She really does love what she is doing. I do not understand it as she does abstract art. I look at it and don't have a clue as to what is it but she just says, it is abstract. I just nod. I know she gets alot of letters and the professors like her work. I just smile most of the time and pretend I know what she is talking about.

Cemetaries

Okay. You can call me weird. I do like ghost stories. Horror stories and I read true crime books. I also like cemetaries. I was watching this special on them and I found it so interesting. I like walking thru them and often read the stone and think of the people there. Wondering what they were like and how they might have lived and died. We have a very old cemetary near us that has many little lambs in it from the flue out break at the beginning of the last century as well as some that date pre civil war.

I sometimes laugh at the epitaths. For instance in the cemetary near us there is one that reads Here lies ------(can't recall his name) Shot in the head by a dirty reb. Nothing flowery about it. There is the famous one for the waitress who was hypocondriac which reads...I told you I was sick. *s* Here is another one.....In memory of Anna Hopewell
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go

Apparently she fell on the peel. btw..the last two are not in our cemetary but they are epitaths that made me smile.

It does sadden me when I drive by some of the old cemetaries and see how they are allowed to grow up with weeds and are neglected. I often wonder why some churches with able bodied people in them do not get out an hour or two a week and take care of places like that.

Just some thoughts

I had a lovely day with the youngest, Kris today. We went out shopping and I joined sams club. I must say I think it will be worth it. She is already planning her next trip back since I put her on my list of people living with us who can use the card at Sams. Then we went to CICI'S pizza and had the buffet there. A very inexpensive place to eat and hang out for awhile before continuing on with our shopping. She was supposed to bring a friend to so some wedding dress shopping but her friend could not get out of one of her afternoon classes.

I needed to get a few things that I could not find at sams so we were getting ready to go to walmart to get them when her phone rang. It was one of her soroity sisters calling to give her hell. She siad, Mom, I thought we were supposed to bond as soroity sisters. I just smiled and said, "Suuuuuuuure you are. There is always a few that that has to screw things up cause that is just how life it." The point is, this one sister does not talk to her in real life but she will get on a blog they all have and raise hell. Well, kris would rather face her than do it over the net so so goes to the girl and tells her off, even takes other sisters with her so she can prove she did not lie. Does tha help. No. She still has soroity sisters calling to give her hell for all the disruption. I am not saying my kid is a saint as she isn't but I do think that it should not be brought out in the open the way that girl wants to do so all the soroity and other people from college that log on to that blog site, do not read it. It does not seem fair to do it that way.

3 a.m.

It is three a.m. and I am sitting here working on this blog, trying to figure out how I post the places I visit on here. I can't figure it oug but then I realize I am half asleep and I should be in bed. I really should be. But I know that if i lay down, my eyes will pop open and I will be as wide awake as ever. I hate these nights.

Do I believe?

There are some things I believe in without question. I do believe in God. I believe in my husband and my best friends Cindy and Bonnie. They are both 'my rock' when I need one.
But those are sensible things to believe in, right? God, husbands (mine anyway) and best friends.

What about ghosts? I have often wondered if they really do exist even if I have never seen one. I have to say I have felt things that have caused me to ponder the existance of such things.

Once when I was in school, (my nurses training program which I was in for a year), I was living on a campus where there was some very old buildings. On the lower floor of my dorm building was the laundry room. I remember going down there one night and while I was the washer was running, I sat and studied. While studying, something tapped me on the back. I shrugged it off and waited for the person to say 'excuse me' but nothing happened. I looked up and there was no one there. I suddenly jumped up, grabbed my books and ran out of the room. I left my laundry there till the next day. Later I had heard that other people had such experiences there too.

I lived in an old farmhouse. I loved it there. But some of my friends and relatives could not see how I could live there as they felt very uncomfortable. My mom claimed she saw an elderly gentle man in her room one night. He did not scare her but she just saw him. My friend said she saw a hand above her one night as she awoke from sleeping. My cousin, who is very physic would stay outside when she came to visit. Her and another friend said the house made them feel strange. I, on the other hand always felt someone was watching over me. I had a good feeling about the house. Once when my mother in law was visiting, we were sitting at the table talking when there was a crashing sound in the corner of the kitchen. There was nothing there. No pots fell (which is what it sounded like) or anything like that. We started laughing and said it must have been 'ole Mrs. M.' who was an elderly polish lady who owned the house before us.

After that I always joked and said she was looking out for me. Later I talked to a man who lived there before me and he asked how I could live in that house as long as I had. We lived there thirteen years. He said they only lived in it a few months but they could not stand the goings on at night there. (I did hear foot steps going up the stairs a few times at night.)

I felt there was something there. Especially in the one room upstairs but I never saw anything. I just never ventured up there at night for some reason. I think that part may have been my imagination going wild. Or, maybe not.

But several people I know and trust claim to have seen ghosts. they could be real. Could they not?

Peta kills................?

I have never been a big fan of Peta's as there are some things I would disagree with them on but not much. I would never wear fur as I think it looks much better on the animals then it does on humans and there is no real need to wear furs. However the reports that Peta kills animals really bothers me. http://www.petakillsanimals.com/petaKillsAnimals.cfm.

If they do kill animals as this artical suggests, then I am truly appalled by it all. On the one hand they do not want animals killed for medical experiments, yet for some reason they are killing them . This little puppy is supposed to be one of them.

If they are going to do this, they should not complain about others killing animals. I am all for no kill shelters and would love to see us reach a point where we do not have to see pictures like the one I have above of killings of innocent puppies done by people who are supposed to protect them.

My Hot Mexican Mama and friends.....

Nicky, our gray and white tomcat who runs in fear of her. and sammy our calico who is her buddy.

I have decided to tell you all about all my pets. Not all at one time but I will tell you about them in various postings. This is my Sassy. She is chichuaua and she was my neigbors dog but they abused her so much that when she came to our house to eat, we decided to keep her. She has been with us since last june. She is, according to the vet, about five years old and suffered from various forms of abuse before we got her. One of my on line pals made her this sweater for this winter. She is are real sweetie and rules Jake and ollie, our other dogs.

There is already a pic of Ronnie up here but this is our cats Sammy ...the calico and Nick, the tricky gray and white tom we have....

Cold and dreary...........

I know we have been awfully lucky with the weather we have been having but I really do dread these cold dreary days which I know are headed our way. The thing is, I do not mind snow but I hate the damp dreary weather. Dampness gets to me worse then cold snowy weather.

Well, I am waiting to hear from my wayward daughter again. I don't know why I am worried so about her as she seems to be turning her back on all of us but I guess that is all part of being a parent. I also just found out she is telling people we kicked her out, which is not true at all. Not true, not true, NOT TRUE. Oh, well, such is life, I guess.......

why am I so tired?

I don't know if it is a seasonal thing or what but I am so tired lately. I have gotten on the computer with the idea of blogging on here but just have not had the strength to do it. I am sleepy right not. I really do think it is seasonal caus have had this happen before. If it keeps it up, I will have to go and see a doctor.

100 things about me.

1. I am tall. 5"9"
2. I am chubby..What my daughter calls 'fluffy'.
3. I wear glasses.
4. I have dyed blond hair. (it is really crappy brown)
5. I wear hats a lot.
6. I have been known to wear a wig.
7. I like to wear dresses at times.
8. I live in the country.
9. My mother was blind and disabled.
10. My father deserted us when I was 4 and she was preggers with my brother.
11. She was unable to care for us so we were placed in foster care when I was six.
12. I lived in an orphanage called the Willard Home.
13. I was passed from one foster home to the other (some abusive) until I went to live with the woman we was going to raise me. She was 63 and had three daughters all a lot older than me.
14. I had three foster sisters and one foster brother. (she was raising a grandson who was younger than me.)
15. I am a christian.
16. I graduated from Purchase Line High School.
17. I worked as a waitress and a nurses aide. Both jobs are thankless ones but one does what one has to do.
18. I lived in Kansas City MO. For two years.
19. At 21 I was reunited with my mother. (with the blessings of my foster mom.)
20. I helped my mom get out of an abusive relationship.
21. I had a years worth of nurses training.
22. I have a great husband.
23. I have two girls.
24. One is in college studying to be an art professor.
25. One lives about three miles from us now and is mentally ill.
26. When I was younger I always dreamed of owning a horse. I love them but do not own one.
27. I have three dogs.
28. I have three cats.
29. I have been chatting with the same chat group since 1996.
30. I love humming birds.
31. I hate prejudice of any kind.
33. I love my mother in law.
34. I idolized my father in law.
35. Twilight is my favorite time of the day. I love to sit out on the porch on summer nights and wait for the moon to rise as I listen to the night sounds.
36. I love all kinds of music except rap.
33. I love horror suspense books. +-
34. Reading true crime stories is something I love too.
35. Ann Rule is one of my favorite authors.
36. I belief in ghosts. I have never seen one but many of my friends and relatives have.
37. I have family in Michigan and go there to see them.
38. I hate lightening.
39. I hate the sound screech owls make at night.
40. I hate liars.
41. I love to quilt.
42. I have been to Canada.
43. I am a diabetic.
44. I have nueropathy in my legs and feet.
45. I hate ticks that get on my cat when he gets out. I do not want to touch them.
46. I love Italian cuisine.
47. I hated snow peas when I was a kid and would not try until the other day. I like them now.
48. I love seafood. Shrimp is my favorite.
49. My favorite actress is Charleze Theron
50. I have no favorite actor.
51. I have no real favorite movie. I like many. Too many to mention.
52. I love the smell of new mown grass.
53. I love the sound of knee-deeps in the summer.
54. I love catching lightening bugs.
56. I love swimming. I cannot get enough of it.
57. I love CSI. Any of them.
58. I love A&E channel and Court TV as well as any of the discovery channels.
59. Animal planet is right up there too.
60. I loved trout fishing at our camp.
61. I hate talking on the phone. Seriously. I talk to one or two of my friends but anyone else, it is hello, how are you? And what do you want?
62. I would rather email or IM.
63. I like to cook.
64. I do not like most of the fast food places. If I am there, it is cause my kid works there or they want to go there.
65, I hate the enzyte commercial and Bob. I don't care about him or the little missus.
66. I love the old songs of the beatles and Rod Stewart.
67. I prefer men my own age or about five years younger.
68. I have had some short stories published.
69. I hate cold damp weather.
70. I love snow at Christmas.
71. I hate it when people asked how I am all the time and they don't really care.
72. Blue is my favorite color.
73. I love little kids.
74. I would have had four if I could have had them but I realize two is enough for me.
75. I have been on welfare. (8mos.)
76. I have been in an abusive relationship.
77. I believe God answers prayers.
78. I do not like george bush.
79. I am afraid of being lonely.
80. I lost a friend cause her husband was cheating and I did not tell her.
81. I learned to be very protective of my friends and family.
82. I have learned to accept myself no matter what anyone says.
83. I have two Silas that I love.
84. I have one in law that I tolerate. No more, no less.
85. I try not to gossip.
86. I love all kinds of coffee with cream. I really like the international ones.
87. I love tea. Especially green tea with honey.
89. I like cookouts in the summer.
90. Love family gatherings.
91. I used to live on a farm and loved it.
92. I love old Victorian style houses.
93. I love surprising people with gifts. My best friend is about to become a grandmother. Her daughter is a sweetie. I gave her the one gift she want for her shower and surprised her a week later with a quilt I made for her baby. I am doing the same thing for another young woman.
94. I like Bill Maher.
95. I love roses. I do not like them as gifts though.
96. My favorite gift from hubby is a heart made of granite. We did not have a lot of money one year and he had a job with a contruction company. He made a heart for me and put his name on the back. I have had it in my kitchen for 20 years.
97. I do not like people who pass judgment on others.
98. I hate bear meat.
99.I collect dolls.
100. I love to do things like this.

How much more can we take?

I sit here and listen to the mother in Pakistan cry over her dead child then the father in Guatemala crying over his loved ones and wonder what can I do besides sit in my comfortable home and talk about all the ails of the world and pray that God is with those who are suffering. Yes I can donate to my personal charity which I will do but what else can I do? I feel so helpless. I am not able to get my ass out and go there to volunteer because of my own problems but I do wonder if there is something else I can do.

Will she ever learn her lesson?

My daughter has a habit of picking up guys and moving in with them. The first time she did it, it was with a guy she met on the net. She dated him twice and moved in with him, four months later, after one suicide attempt, and two times in the hospital from his beatings, we were able to get her out with nothing but the clothes on her back.

Last week she went out with a guy and made it to four dates before I got the call I was expecting saying she would only be home long enough to pick up her clothes. The only improvement is, this guy has a job and a car. This time it was a little longer. (4 dates). She is getting better at getting to know them before she moves in. By the time she is 40 she might date one long enough to get to know him before moving in. (this will not count all the one night stands)

Thank God she had her tubes cut and hopefully she wears a has him wear a condom.

The first time she did this, I got all bent out of shape and cried alot. Now, I am to the point, where, hey, she is 24. She is gonna do what she is gonna do and there is nothing I can do but be there to help pick up the peices when it all falls apart. She is my daughter and I will always love her, worry about her, and pray for her but I cannot stop her from doing the things she wants to do in life.

My youngest is ready to kick her ass and all she says is didn't she learn the first time? I think she just wants to be loved by someone so bad that she is willing to do about anything to get a guy and keep him. It is sad and such a worry but there is nothing I can do.

Hmmm.........

I could not think of a title for today but it is a lovely fall day here inPennsylvania. I look out and see the leaves changing and think it would be a great weekend for a drive in the country further north where the leaves are changing but we may not have the time to do that. Our youngest may her down from college for the day and we want to spend time with her. Don't get to see her very much now that she is in college.

Once I see a movie, I do not want to see it again but elder kidlet watches the same ones over and over. Right now she is watching Blade for about the tenth time. I saw it. I know how it ends. No need to watch it again. Although there are a few I will watch over again. We may go in and see Tim Burton's Corpse Bride this week. Unless I can think of something better to do tomorrow that the we will all enjoy.

Got to get back to the quilts I am making.

keeping my fingers crossed.

My eldest was adopted when she was nine. She had been severely abused both mentally and sexually the first 9 years of her life. We were told she would never graduate. well she did that in 2000. She has now taken the big step of deciding to go to a college not far from here and the state will pay since she is an independant adult and mentally handicapped. I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping she goes thur with it.

It is really scary letting her go but she needs to do this. Or she needs to try it out anyway. My husband and I are not going to be around forever and she needs to be prepared for life without us some day.

I just hope she does it but you know what, even if she does not succeed, she will still be my daughter and I will love her. I just want her to try to do her best. It is such a huge step for her. She is scared. So am I. I don't want her to have to move out but in the long run it is the best thing for her.

This will not take place for several months as so much has to be done and it is a long process but I am hoping she will do it.

a lazy day

today is another lazy day. I did get a pic scanned of of Ronnie and really am trying to find one of sammy to put up there. Sammy is a lovely natured cat but she does not photograph well. Ronnie always does so well in the photographs.

I got up feeling I would get all sorts of stuff done. Well, that stuff is still waiting to get done.

Well, fiddly dee, tomorrow is another day................

Baby shower today...

I do not know why I go to baby showers. The only reason I went to day was because she is the duaghter of a friend of mine. But there is one thing I find when I get into a group of women with kids. They talk of nothing else. It is constantly talking about how smart their one and two year old kids are. I keep thinking, wait til they are sixteen..................lol

Animal cops Huston is on. I like that show.

Look what was in our area of the woods

It is a young one and very curious. Hubby took it.

Hubbys birthday

Hubby is going to have his birthday tomorrow and he is one of the most infuriating men to buy for. He will not tell anyone what he wants til the day before and by then, most of the stuff is already bought. We do have other things to do you know besides try and figure out what he wants. Well, my surprise was blown when we were at walmart and he kept insisting on me telling the girls he wanted slippers and taking me back to pick them. I already bought him slippers. So he is insisting I get him these slippers but I finally said. You got slippers at home in a box now act suprised when I give them to you.

He is so hard to buy for. He gets everything he wants when he needs it and it is next to impossible to get him things that surprise him.

Daughter is fixing a cake and I am doing stuffed pork chops.

Movies.....

I have become quite the movie buff lately. I never used to watch many of them but something happened....My daughters both love movies and until recently, I felt as though there was not much I could do with them as our interests are so different. My eldest is very solemn and quite. She has talents but does not use them. My youngest is very talented and loves to sing. I cannot sing worth a hoot and the books I read do not interests either of them that much but the one thing we could do was watch movies togther and talk about them. So I have been going to the movies more often and watching them on netflix when the girls are both here.

My least favorite types are the chick flicks. I like the more dramatic movies such as Gangs of New York. I think Leonardo could be one of the greats if he applied himself. I have Aviator here and he did a good job in it too.

I like anything with Johnny Depp in and will have most of the movies we have with him in wore out. I love Finding Neverland and Pirates of the Carribean.

Samuel Jackson is another favorite. I like him in just about any movie he does. Denzel W. is another one. I just watched him In Man of Fire with the great little actress Dakota Fanning. I have seen about all his movies and have not seen one that I did not like.

What excites me most about this is it is something me and the girls can do together. We can laught and have fun.

Deer at play

My sister in law called to ask us to go out to her house and check on it. She lives further out in the country than we do and I like going out there and just sitting to watch the sunset and the animals that come out of the woods by her place at night.

I have been under some heavy pressure lately and I needed to just go somewhere that I can relax and that is what I did as I watched the deer frolic in the woods behind her house. This is the only one I have pics of but there were three buck, two doe and four little ones running about like kids at play. This doe was leary but she did come in and it was kinda nice to see her. Watching the animals relaxes me though.

Fuzzy navels and such.....

I am sitting here sipping fuzzy navels as I post this. Needless to say it is a very laid back atmosphere here tonight. I am very partial to this drink. Glad my husband is the one who mixes the drinks here or I would finish the bottle all by myself. I am not much of a drinker but I do like to kick back with some mixed drinks, a wine cooler or a cold beer on occasion. I am thinking I may go out and get some arbor mist next week. They have some good ones out there.

Banks...

I have been on the phone with my bank again. It seems as though they are always taking money out of my account without my knowledge and I have to get on the phone and tell them about it. I guess that is the price we pay for living in a day of computers and such where people can figure out ways to get into our accounts. Last month they took almost three hundred out. It was taken from an atm in Pakistan and we all know what a lovely vacation spot that is so why the bank even put up a hassle when I questioned it, I don't know. Of course they must think I go to pakistan on a weekly basis and draw money out there in LaHore which is where it was taken from.

It is bad enough they are charging me 30.00 on a six dollar check my daughter made out on her checking account. I am the payee but she has access to her account too. She makes checks and does not tell me. Much like my husband does. *s* He gets a little forgetful. I guess I am the one who has to keep them on their toes and do the bookkeeping.

Ronniecat

This is Ronnie..... He has been with us about a year now. He was left off at McDonalds and there were some teen aged boys throwing rocks at him. He is really one of the sweetest cats. So loving. We were not going to add a third one so soon after losing our Fuzzy but I think we did good.

I finally got the papers to get the house refinanced. We bought it when interest was much higher five years ago and by refinancing, we will save about 400 bucks a month.

I spent part of the day burning off some CDs. I think the best thing about my new computer is the cd burner. Even better than the dvd player. I do not watch many dvds on here. I prefer to watch them with the family and it is kinda hard to get them cowded around the computer. *s*

I took Sassy and Ollie to the vets and found out he has hook worms so have to give him the meds tomorrow. I had to give him heartworm meds a few months ago and he is cleared up from them. I was so glad to know that. Dogs die from it and it us such a senseless thing for them to die from with all the help out there. Taking them to the vets for yearly checkups and keeping them up on their checkups for worms are all one has to do.

Another sunday morning

Daughter came home a few days ago. They put her on different meds. I do hope these ones work for her. She has some heart problems too that we will be checking out next month. I know she seems much calmer now.

I got up early and went to church. I had to thank God for sending us some cooler weather. I had not been there for awhile and had to get caught up on finding out what is going on with some of our friends here. We have a marvelous new pastor. A blessing after the old one had to leave cause of some things he did wrong. But this new one is really a good man and we are glad to have him.

He has a cute little boy named Titus. I never would have thought of naming a boy Titus but it sounds so cool. He is a sweetie. His wife is nice too.

Both of them have been a blessing to me an my family as they are trying to be very understanding about my daughter and her problems and trying so hard to help.

I am thankful for them and the others who are showing kindness now.

a long day for us............

Last night daughter lost it again and we nearly lost her. She was upset because of somethings people on line said about her then she got upset at me for telling her that the computer was not the place for someone to pick up a guy. This guy she did not know came on line in Myspace.com and told her she was cute and he wanted her to go out with him today. I told her she was an adult but she should not go out with some one she had never even chatted with before. It was dangerous.

She flipped out and told me she was either going to bust our computer or kill me. I told her that would not solve anything and it would only make her problems worse. She started ranting and smashing things. She wanted to cut herself. (she is into self mutiliation). I don't know if I mentioned this earlier.

She went to bed. I thought she had calmed down and I went into talk to her. She had taken 10 of her diabetic pills, 10 seraqil 500m gs each (her psyche drug), 4 nyquil tablets. I called the hotline immediately and they told me to get her to the hospital. We got her there and sat with her three hours, keeping her from falling asleep while they waited on results of her tests. They admitted her back into the psyche ward.

We had just gotten her out of there in april or may. Not sure which month.

She has threatened to kill me before but I am not afraid of her doing that. She turns it in towards herself. *sigh*

Well, I am back in here for just a visit. What is it with mother/daughter stuff. We are like oil and water at times. Sheesh, I feel sorry for my husband having to live with all three of us at times. No wonder he sulks when we get into these spats. *s*

Have not been around.....

It isn't that I am ignoring this blog but it is summer time and I am not at the computer as much. Real life seems to call me out doors when the weather is nice and I just feel that I cannot get around to all my computer friends and their places. I really do love this spot and enjoy blogging though. So I won't be dragging my feet forever. I have been walking the dogs a little more too. They like being out and running around a little. Later`````

Roses, roses, roses...

I love roses. I love everything about them. The look. The smell. I just do not want anyone buying me any. I do love to see them in my yard though. I felt bad cause one of my rose buses did not make it thru the winter but this one did. We do not know what kind it is but I have been emailing rose societys to see if they know. We found it growing behind my in laws one day and transplanted it several years ago. We have a white one too but I like this one better.

my rose

the best vacation ever....

Last week was one of the best vacations I have been on. We spent the week in michigan visiting my foster family and we all had a blast. My brother has a restaurant in Livonia that has fabulous fish. It is called Hope's Fish and chips. So good. Great frog legs too. My foster sister started it about fifty years ago and now her nephew owns it. He was really raised as my foster brother as his grandma was helping to raise him and I lived with her.
While my husband went fishing on one of the many lakes around there, I took a sightseeing tour there and up around the ann arbor area. All you wolverine fans know what a lovely spot ann arbor is.

Later all.................

Hey....

I am a christian. I have been one for a long time. I am not a bible thumber or someone who is out to change you. I have enough problems dealing with the troubles in my little spot of the world and taking care of things in my life. I cannot take care of things in yours....

But I will say, God bless you and I will pray for you when I feel you are troubled. I don't think that is forcing my beliefs on you.

I have a live and let live attitude about this. I will not try to force anyone to go to chruch or read the bible or whatever but if you asked if I am a christian, I will tell you yes. I am. I am not ashamed of it but I am ashamed of many who say they are christians then spout hatred towards anyone who disagrees with them.

How can you be a christian and be cheerful at the thought of a gay person suffering from aids as some seem to be? A true christian would be volunteering at aids clinics and giving the person dying of aids a shoulder to lean on when he needs it. You would be there to talk to them and give them some hope. Let them know you care. Would jesus be doing that or would he be screaming that they deserve to die like that? You answer that question. My guess is he would be spoon feeding the dying aids patient rather than sceaming hell's fire and brimstone at him.

And, in case you have not heard, aids is not a gay disease. It is a disease that affects hetroes too.

Jeusus would not be bombing abortion clinics either. He would be comforting those who survive the bombings but he would not be doing them. Nor would he support anyone who bombs them.

No matter how you feel about the abortion issue, bombing the clinics are not the act of a christian. Not eveyone in those clinics are there for abortions. There are many who go there for fertility visits too. What about the babies in those petri dishes or the men and women who go there? You could kill one of them in your haste to do what you think is God's will and then what? Shame on you for even thinking the Eric Rudolf's of the world are to be idolized.

And the next time you think about sending money to Pat Robertson or some of those other t.v evangelist, take that money out and give it to your local homeless shelter or to another agency that helps the poor in your area. That will do you more good then sending it to Benny Hinn.

I could just scream....

I got up with good intentions on going on line and paying my bills. I do pay them, you know. Contrary to what some might think, I am a trustworthy person.

I went to my banking page and made sure that all the ones that were to be paid for by my bank, were paid. There were a few adjustments but no real problems. Then it came time pay my electric bill which has been paid thru paymybill.com for years. It would not work. No matter what I did, it still would not work. Aha, I will call the power company. I called and it seemed like there no poeople there but there were lots of recordings. None of those recordings would tell me how to pay my bill. It did say to go on line and where to to and it was......myfreechecks.......wait.....what happened to paymybill? Why was it sending me to myfreechecks? I pondered this for a moment before calling the company again and finally being told I could talk to a human voice if I was willing to wait ten minutes. Well, i waited, and waited, and waited some more. Looks like I will be going to the bill paying office that I hate tomorrow to pay this bill cause I am going away next week and it is due.

And why do I hate this particular office? Cause it is run by two old biddies who have nothing better to do then to stand around and scratch their asses while they talk about everyone in the neighborhood and frown at you for having bothered them with this bill.

a little bit of very thing...

Ever have racing thoughts. I have them today. They are when you sit down to write and your mind is filled with all these thoughts popping in and out of your head. I hate them but there is little I can do about them. For instance, I wanted to start talking about a book I was reading in here when all of a sudden these thoughts about my brother and some things he said 30 years came popping into my brain and I start thinking if I go to detroit to see him like I plan he might remember that fight and some of the nasty things I said then my foster sister popped into my head and and said a few things while is seemed like my husband was running around in my brain too.

Anyway.....I love crime books. True crime storie and the real dectective ones that seem real. Not the ones from the forties but the ones from today. My daughter brought me about 20 really good suspense and thriller books home but I am sitting here thinking I want to re read the first three books in the gunslinger series and finish the whole series off. I stopped reading at about the third book but I am thinking I will start it all over. I am the type that gets panicky if I have less than 20 books on my shelf that I have not read.

I love scrabble. I sit here and play scrabble and my husband has to bribe me to get me off when I am doing that. I don't often win but I do love playing.


My books, my computer, my pets and my friends are often what keeps me sane. There are times when I don't know what I would do without them. My family is wonderful but they cand not help me escape every day problems the way a good book can. They cannot always find something good in me and love me unconditionally the way my dogs and cats do. My computer gives me another avenue of escape. I can go to places I've never been and talk to people who seem to understand how I feel about some things. My real friends, on-line and in real life have pulled me thru many rough times. What would I do without any of these things?

Reunions and memories...

A few days ago my sister emailed me and asked if I was going to our grade school reunion. I told her I did not know about it. Our gradeschool was closed when I was in fifth grade and I had to go to another school after that. She sent me the name of the woman who in head of the reunion and I told her I would not be able to go this year because of other plans. And it was too late for me anyway.

She wanted some of my memories of schoool but I am afraid I blocked many of my memories of grade school. It was a painful time for me since I was moved so much because of being in different foster homes. Most of the memories that kept cropping up were about summer time. Swimming in the old swimming pool and going strawberry picking with my foster mom and friends. I loved picking the berries and exploring the woods while they picked most of them.

I remember sitting on our front porch and singing or listening to the radio until past dark or playing hide and seek with my friend and her brothers while my mom made strawberry jam and talked with my friends mother.

I remember my dog cocoa and taking him on long walks before my neighbor kicked him to death and I nearly put her thru a wall. I had to be pulled off her. I hated her before that and I will dislike her until the day I die. She is long dead and if there is a hell, she is there. I know that cocoa will be with my other dogs, waiting for me, I hope.

That is not a pleasant memory but it does crop up.

I also remember my neighbor and his lovely horse, Prince. Gorgeous animal that was all white but his head, which was a rich chocolate brown. I loved that horse but no one rode him but Mr. Haig. He would not really let anyone handle him but Mr. Haig. He had a very special relationship with that man.

We had a white cat named priscilla. Or, Miss Priss, as we called her. She would go out and lay down on the road when it was warm. One day Mom decided she would be better off at a farm her friend owned. She thought she was sending her to a better place where she would be safe. That is one death I do not want to talk about. It has been almost 40 years and I still cry over that lovely cat and what that womans son did to her.

Most memories are good and I had a great childhood. But there are a few ........I think I am going to go to that reunion though. Maybe....

My pretty rhodadendron bush. Nice and full this year.

So many things, so little time and sooo confusing.....

I am getting ready for our vacation. We are going away for awhile to Detroit. My family lives there. I don't know about you but when I go on a vacation, I want to stay in a hotel rather than with the people I visit. I think I enjoy the visits more. They do not have to think they are entertaining me and rush around to get the house cleaned and everything prepared for the visit.
I just call and say I am here, let's go out to eat and do whatever we are going to do.How can I enjoy my visit if my host is too tired to do much cause she has spent the week cleaning and filling her fridge with food for us?

Now, I have a friend that I will be going out to visit next year and she insits I stay with her but I am going to have a hotel room for my girls to stay at if they chose. If we stayed at her house, it would probably just be me. She and I like to spend all night talking like the teenagers we once were when we were kids. Lots of fun....

Besides, the hotel will have a pool and the girls will not be complaining about being bored if there is a pool around. They both love the pools.

New family member, Sassy.

forever friends 2

A few days ago I told you about my friend Sassy who came to visit. I called her one of my forever friends. Well, today she became more than just my forever friend. She is now an official member of my family. Her other family was not feeding her and when I called today to tell them she was here, they pretended they did not know what I was talking about. I told them I knew it was Sassy because their mother told me it was her. Well, this ass him and hawed around a bit and I finally, said, if you do not want this dog, I will take her. He said, "Well, my wife owns her but she does not really want her." I said, "The dog is mine then." I headed off to the store and got her liscense and will make arrangements to have her taken to our vet when I take my beagle next month for their shots. This is my new family member....

Heartaches ahead, I fear.....

My daughter's best friend since 7th grade is a wonderfully talented young man that I think the world of. All through high school She had hopes that it would become more than just a friendship but I knew it would not. He is gay. I told her that and she would say, oh, mom he just acts that way. Later she found out he was gay and that was okay. He is still the kind, gentle soul he has always been. But he is getting married now and it it is not to a gay man.

His family is very religious and they do not know he is gay so he is marrying a lovely young girl. I asked my daughter if she knew about him and she said yes but she felt she could work it all out with him. She says she can change him but I don't think that will happen. I wonder if they know what kind of heartaches are ahead for them. It saddens me to think some gays still think they have to do this but all I can do is pray that things work out for them.

Still on edge....

I cried much of the morning until my daughters doc called and said he is upset with the people who had been treating her because they took her off the medicines he had given her the last time she was in the hospital. He talked to me for awhile and told me she was doing better and this was the best possible thing that could have happened at this time.

He is really finding more fault with the mental health clinic that is treating her then he did anyone.

I felt as though someone had just handed me a life line. Until recently we had been searching for a way to get our family help in this mess and no one could offer it. They did not seem to know what to do. They were upset because the drug the other doctors took her off of were the ones helping her skippering.

If you have not lived with someone who has this disease, you have no idea who horrible it is. I feel so helpless at times. But now they think they can help her and will tell us of other places we can go to in another county to get help for her as the places here are filled with people like her. They are overwhelmed at times.

I was cleaning her room the other night and saw some poem she had been writing about how tortured she felt. It is scary to read them. Horrible.

In the pysche ward again........

I had a horrible dream last night. The first dream I have had in a long time. When I awoke early this morning, I knew something was not quite right about this day. I tried to remember what it was about but all I could remember is that it was dark and dreary and something very frightening about it.

I went over to get my eldest daughter up and she was yelling about stuff and I told her just to clean her room and get ready to to to her outing at a place called the grapevine. She goes there once a week. It is a place where people who are mentally ill can hang out and talk to others. She started yelling and calling me all kinds of nasty names for no reason. I knew it was a sign of what was to come. I tried to calm her down but she was not calming down. I got my husband and he tried to talk to her for awhile. It was not doing any good. She began yelling at him, telling him she wanted to die and she was going to cut her wrists or start cutting herself again. I called her therapist and he agreed to see her. I had already made plans to take her sister out to see the Star Wars Movie so My husband agreed to take her in to see her therapist.

She is in the hospital now trying to get herself straightenened out gain. It is so hard seeing her like this but, at the same time I am angry. At who or why, I don't really know. I am scared that some day she may really kill herself and we will not be around to stop her. We have prevented it so many times and each time I wonder about the next time. Will we be there? It scares me.

A taste of the sixties...

To the chagrin of my kids I have discovered Joan Baez and Sara Mcglaughlin and I have been blasting my music the way they did thiers earlier. They are not happy with me but I am so thrilled with having cds with these two singers on. Listening to them is much better on the ears than Marliyn Manson, that is for sure. Of course my mom felt the same way about my beatles and I hated her Bing Crosby records. *blech*

I have always loved the song Joe Hill by Joan. I never knew exactly who it was about til I did some research and it was written about man who was born in sweeden. He moved here when he was very young and changed his name to joe Hill. He was a song writer and union Organizer. Being from a Union state, I had heard of him but did not know much about it. Apparently He was framed for the murder of a store owner. They never had any proof that he did it. Much of the evidence circumstancial and there was a woman who said he was with her the night he was supposed to have killed the store owner. There was a feeling that the copper bosses in Utah framed him and he was executed. He became more famous after he was killed because he became a martyr then.

I think Baez has a wonderful mellow voice.

Not A Stepford Wife.

I just got back from a mother daughter banquet at my church. I often wonder why they have it listed as mother/daughter when there are women there who only have sons. It is the same way with my husband on fathers day. They have the father/son banquet. My husband has no sons so he does not go.

The food was good and my daughter did win me a posey so I guess it was worth it. But we had a long winded woman up there for the speech afterwards and I could have sworn her talk was two hours long. I did not believe my daughter when she said it was only a half hour speech. I am sure she is a nice woman and all but her talk about women never getting angry and constantly smiling reminded me of the Stepford Wives.

You know........the movie where the women are all smiling and look lovely so they can be at their husbands' and childrens' beck and call every hour of the day.

Well, shame on me for not smiling and jumping up while saying, 'yes dear' when my husband demands that I get the laundry done while he gets his fishing lore out to go fishing. It is not just my laundry. It is his laundry too and if he wants clean underware, he can throw a load in while I finish the book I was reading since I did not need the laundry done at that second. Some things are just more important than laundry.

Sorry if I did not feel any shame when my 24 year old daugther asked me to get off the computer cause she wanted to talk to one of her on-line friends. I know I should have smiled and said, 'yes, darling. Your mother loves you so she will let you on.' Then get up and leave a half finished email.

I know some of you will be appalled by this but I do not get up before my husband does so I can put on my make up because I do not want him to see me without any on. He does see the real me and I know that is not how a good baptist wife is supposed to be but this baptist wife sleeps later than her husband and lets him get his own breakfast. I also expect him to wash dishes on occasion. Oh, me baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad........

I am supposed to stifle my anger and speak with honey on my words when I talk to my husband and children. Well, honey was not flowing out of my mouth the day our daugther wrecked her car. I guess it was not flowing out of it when my husband came home drunk one night either.....Nor was it honey covered words the day my eldest ran off with a jerk she was dating.

I guess I better work on that 'honey' that flows from my mouth at times..................

This Mother/Daughter thing....

My youngest daughter and I love each other. We both know that. Yet we can only stand to be around each other for short periods of times before one of us blows up at the other. We have our little tiffs then everything is all right til the next one.


This may sound crazy to those of you who know my daughters are adopted but my youngest is so much like me and she does things that I do, yet I don't like those things in others. She is bossy. She is opinionated. She tends to be very impulsive and always has to be right. I get so frustrated with her at times but my husband says it is like he is in surround sound when the two of us get into our heated debates and neither wants to back down.

She is very political and very conservative where I am not. We argue needlessly over that when there is no real need to but neither of will back down. I should but it does not seem to be in my nature.

She says I want to mother her too much. She may be right. She is twenty-one and I find myself biting my tongue when she tells me about the latest love of her life but I did not bite the time I called her and her room mate said she was not in the dorm. It was 3 a.m. and she was at his place. I told her it was time for her to get to her dorm and she told me she was spending the night on his couch.

How dumb does she think I am. I was that age once and when I spent the night with a guy, I did not sleep on his couch. But my mom never knew about him. When I suggested she should not do this, she blew up and said I was to mind my own businesss. But two weeks later she was calling me, crying on my shoulder about Mr. Wonderful and I wanted to tell her it was not my business but I am a mother. It is my job to soothe her wounded ego when the louse she was with dumps her. Right?

Even though I am saying in the back of my mind, 'I tried to warn you............'

But I made those same mistakes when I was her age and my mother tried to warn me but did I listen. No. I knew it all. I guess she is too much like me after all....

Sending them off to the home.............

So my friend and I were talking and she said she would never put her mom in a home because her mother sacrificed so much for her siblings and her and she could not understand how anyone could put their mother in a nursing home. She said she did not care what her husband wanted or her kids, when the time came, her mother was moving in with her.

I thought about the day I put my mother in a nursing home and I worried about people thinking I was a bad daughter. But my mother was sick and she needed twenty four hours of nursing care and I had my familyt to think of as well as my own health which is not always that great.

"You know what really bugs me?" my friend asked. "People who take parents who sacrificed so much for their kids and the kids just throw them in a home and forget about them. They should respect their parents. What kind of repect is that?"

I often wonder why people assume they know so much about why people do things. How do I know that parent that is langushing in a nursing home, waiting for a kid that never comes to visit is not the same parent who slammed his/her child against the wall every time it did something wrong. Or, if they did not physiclly abuse the child, maybe they verbablly abused them and made the feel small all the time.

I know a couple that are in a home now and people wonder why their son never visits. I have known the son since I was a kid and I often heard the dad yell at him for some reason and the mother constantly telling he was not smart enough, or good enough for anything. Shortly before going into the home I asked her how he was, instead of telling me he got a new job as a truckdriver and leaving it go at that, she says, "Oh, he has a job as a truck driver but I don't know how long he'll keep it. He drinks, you know." I knew he did drink but he quit years ago.

Like I said, why couldn't she just tell me about the job and let it go. She also felt she had to tell he was not a christian and that was bothering her. With her as an example of what a christian is, I cannot blame him.

But the next time you think you know why people do certain things, before judging them, you might stop and think because you really do not know what their life may have been like at all.

Crosses along the road.....

It was a beautiful day to be out driving along our country roads. We were laughing and talking about something one of the kids did and suddenly, there along the side of the road were two white crosses draped in red roses with the names of two people who had died there. What a sobering jolt that was to an otherwise fun time.

I know why they are there. They are there because someone lost a couple of loved ones there. But I have heard that these crosses may be romoved from the roadsides because they are a distraction to those who are driving by and part of me wants to agree with this. Who wants to be reminded every time they drive by a certain tree or rock that someone met their doom there? And I have been told that more wrecks are caused because those who are morbidly fascinated by this kind of stuff slow down and try to read the names of whoever died there rather than watch the roads.

If I lost a loved one that way, I would not need such a memorial to remind me they are gone. That empty chair at the table each day or, those phone calls that will never come again, are enough to remind me that their soul is no longer on this planet.

Gripes about Mothers day

I know it is unamerican to say anything bad about this day of all days to honor your mother or be honored by your children. But I wonder why we have to have a special day set aside to honor people that we should honor every day of the year? And what about those who have mothers that do not deserve this dubious honor simply because they did something that came naturally and gave birth to a child then treated it like crap for the rest of the time? Or the mother who turned her back while her children were being abused physically, sexually, or emotionally by their father simply because they refuse to believe the men they married would do anything wrong to their kids?

There are mothers out there who simply do not deserve to be honored, yet their kids who have been brow beaten most of their lives feel they must honor them on this one day?

I hope that I am the kind of mother that my kids feel they can respect and honor every day. I do not want them to feel obligated to get me a gift on this one day simply because society dictates they must do it or they are bad examples of what children should be.

Yes, I did get lovely gifts from both my daughters this year and my husband is taking me out to dinner. But if they had not done this, I would still love them. I just do not want them to feel they have to do it.

I would have appreciated them just as much if they had chosen to give the gifts to me, say, last week or next month sometime simply because they saw it some where and decided to get it for me for just being me, not for being a mom.

When I was living in B.C. (I refer to it as Befor Children), my husband still took me out to dinner because he chose to honor me as his wife this way and I enjoyed it. So, this is not something he started doing simply because I became a mother. His attitude towards me has not changed since then and I respect him and love him all the more for that.

Anyway, the bleeding heart plants and the items for my christmas village are lovely. I do appreciate them and I love my kids................every day of the year.

Eavesdropping....

I was all set to turn off the computer and go to bed when I decided to serf for some blogs. I found one where this person said they liked to eaves drop. I am not alone..................

I like to sit at a restaurant table and listen to the people behind me talk. I make up things about them as they talk. I find out the most wonderful things when I am eaves dropping in such places.

One day I was sitting in our favorite restaruant when this elderly lady and two young women were sitting at the table beside me. I heard them mention a young man named jason. They old woman said she felt so bad for him. He really loved that girl. One of the young women said, "Christ he showed up at my door at 5 in the morning and sat on the steps and bawled like a baby." The other one said, "Grandma you and mom spoiled him rotten. No woman is going to put up with his crap and I don't feel sorry for him. Kris was too good for him. She should of dumped him a long time ago."

I stared at the woman. Slowly it dawned on me. She was talking about my daughter who broke up with her boyfriend the day before cause he had been sleeping with some of her friends. I knew jason had been raised by his grandmother and mother cause his dad went back to Puerto Rico.

Later I saw this same elderly woman coming out of a local store with jason pushing her grocery cart.

I told Kris about it and she told me that the sisters really liked her but they were always telling jason to grow up.

Funny what you learn when you eavesdrop....

Sideways...

Along time ago I learned not to listen to what the critics say. Go and watch a movie before deciding if it is good or not, I keep telling myself. Don't get your hopes built up, I tell myself. Well I had heard so much about the movie, Sideways.

It is a corny story about two men who are at the midlife time of their life. One is a frustrated author and the other is a 'has been actor' who jumps any woman who walks by him.

Is it a good movie? I don't think so. I thought it was very mundane. As for the funny parts, there was one or two but I did not see anything worth bragging about. I would give this movie 3 stars.

What a dog!!

this is ollie.......

He is a sweetie but not the brightest bulb in the room if you get my drift. When the weather is nice I tie him out in the yard for awhile with his brother jake, our lab mix. Well when we bring him in after an hour or so, he goes thru the same ritual. He runs to his toy box and pics out his raggedy stuffed raccoon and parades around the house with it. He will bring it to you but will not let you have it. He just bumps your leg and runs to the next person. He does this three times...all through the house. Then he drops the Raccoon and runs over to this corner and plops down.

It is the same routine all the time.

Some thoughts on things....

Who says you cannot teach an old dog new tricks. I am about two seconds younger than dirt and I am learning more new things every day. I don't know about some of you who are over the forty mark. (surely there is someone else out there besides me), but I often think if I had my life to live over again, I would live it to the fullest like many young ones today are. Oh, I had a great time when I was in my twenties. I would not change them for the world. But I see all the oppertunites laid out there for the young women today and I just think of how marvelous it would be to have all that laid before us when I was in my twenties. I tell every young woman who has the oppertunity to go to college, don't waste it.
I do hate to see kids get married right out of highschool and throw most of their oppertunities out the door. Yes, being in love is wonderful and babies are cute and all that crap but that love you feel for someone in your teens very often does not last and babies are not only cute but work.I told my daughter to go to college and do what ever she wants before she has the kids I so desperately want for grandchildren. :) Right now she is majoring in fine arts and I am not sure what she is going to do once she gets out. I think she will do fine though once she gets going.
I would have liked her to have done something else with her education but she is the one is going to have to live with whatever choices she makes. As long as she is happy.
My eldest is mentally disabled. She has some mental illnesses which causes us grief but she is pulling thru.

I did have a bad night with her last night. One of her friends told her yesterday she was raped by her foster brother. She did not know what to do but my daughter told her to tell her parents and now the parents want to take her in and have her press charges. (this kid is over 18 and no longer lives with them.) It happened about a year ago and she was afraid to tell her parents.

Well, my daughter was so upset over this she could not sleep and cried most of the night. I was up til 4 with her and got back up at 6. Just could not sleep.

I don't know if many of you know about fostering kids or being a foster kid. Well, I was a foster child and went thru some lousy foster homes before I found one where my foster mom really loved me and was a great mom. I have been a foster parent. I can tell you there are some good foster parents out there.

Not so with my daughters friend. Her parents do not work. Neither one. Yet, they have a new car almost every year and a new home. They are in it for the money. They take in every child that they are called about and even have taken in black children all the while referring to them as 'the niggers who live with us'. My daughter and the one black girl who was living with them turned them in for that and they no longer give them black children now but they do give them other kids. Anyway..............

They took this boy into their home, knowing he was removed from his own home for raping his sister. They brought him in to where they have two retarded girls whom they adopted and last night they were crying about how could this boy have raped their daughter after they brought him into their house and took care of him.

Give me a break. I wanted to scream at them. They invited him in just because they wanted the money they would get from having him. They did not think of their daughters safety when those checks were coming in.

Idiots!!!

Do I really care? No.

this has not been my week....I thought I lost my blog. I posted a bunch of stuff and could not find it. Here, I just got up and when the the computer and decided I was at blog dashboard and typed away then hit send. I went to see the blog and found out I was at a totally different place and had not been there for ages. Oh, well..........here is one of the posts..........

I could not sleep last night because of some problems here at home. So, I got out of bed and turned on the news. Once again,I was hearing about Paula Abdul and one of the contestants on American Idol.
My first thought was to go over and kick the t.v. in because I am so tired of hearing about it. Instead I did the sensible thing and turned the channel and found nothing on all 500 channels. I ended up back to where Paula's face was staring back at me before I flipped the switch that turned it off.
Why do we care about such mundane things as the sexlives of some television personality? (unless it is M.J. then I do care about what he is doing with kids.)
So what if Paula did do it with this guy. He did not win and maybe that is what is pissing him off and he feels he has to spill his guts and 'tell all'. Actually the guy does not seem to be the most honest upright person on the block if you get my drift. He was already proven a liar when he lied about his criminal record while trying out for the show. I would not put too much stock in what he says.